Tuesday, 20 December 2011

Microsoft's bony little finger

The computer wars continue today.

On Saturday, my trusty computer -- the one Nick built -- died a horrible death.

Just wouldn't turn on.

Not even when we fed it carrots.

So Sunday, I whipped out my backup HP, the sluggish one that had been sitting in the closet for about a year. It chugged and spattered, whirled and wimpered, long enough for me to complete several days of work that had piled up.

Then, in mid-interview transcript, it put itself on life support.

Just like that.

Yesterday, I pulled the plug.

That left me with the HP laptop Scott had bought me in the summer, the one I am writing on now, which I have been using exclusively for blogging and adding nasty comments to CTV Ottawa web stories.

I bought it out of the box at one of those Future Shop near giveaways and it worked perfectly fine, except for one slight problem.

It had no software.

It came with the bare bones, Mickey Mouse little programs that I never use, games I never play, and ads for services I will never buy.

I didn't purchase the grown up software because it was too expensive.

Besides, the desktop computer was fully loaded with Cadillac Microsoft software Scott was given by one of the company's salesmen, gratis, because the guy liked the car Scott sold him.

That stupid software costs Microsoft pennies, I reckon, but the evil Microsoft empire shakes us down for hundreds of dollars to purchase it.

So I refuse to buy software until it is needed.

And yesterday, it was sorely needed.

Sadly, with the remaining sheckles left in my pocket, I sent my wonderful son to purchase the Microsoft Office Student and Home Edition.

By day's end, I could re-enter the world of work in hopes of raising enough cash to pay for software.

You don't get much for $160, just a disk in a plastic case that can satisfy the needs of three hungry computers. You don't even get an email management program, anymore.

What a rip.


My package did come with a mouse for the dogs to chew on.

Thank Microsoft for small favors.

So, I'm up and rolling once again. I'm going to have listen to the drone of my own voice today as I retype my interview transcript.

Unfortunately, I can't print it.

Did I mention that?

The printer died on Monday.

The law of technological obsolescence.

Here today, gone tomorrow.

Microsoft's bony little digital finger fully inserted up your trusty little butt hole.

Wallet that much lighter.

One of my Facebook friends posed this question to me yesterday.

Why do all computers and cars die just before Christmas?

It's all part of the masterplan.

It's because they're all made in Japan.

And Japan is evil.

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