Thursday, 15 December 2011

Harper Government Presents...Porno Dan

I was noodling around the tube last night looking for something to watch other than reruns of a Charlie Brown Christmas or Rita McNeil and the Men of the Deep when I happened upon a new series on The Movie Network.

It was called The Right Hand, which seemed innocent enough.

The Right Hand turned out to be a soft porn series about a Canadian film student who gets a job as a production assistant for a guy named Porno Dan, a legendary porn director, who produces cheap thrills for wackjobs on the Internet.


The semi-faux documentary series follows Brandon through his days doing errands for Dan, picking up used and broken condoms, washing dildos and wrangling new reality clients for a show called Fuck a Fan, a live video-streamed main event which has ordinary blows winning a chance to have sex with porn stars.

Brandon's job is not as easy as it sounds. The talent is often cranky in the morning. (You would be, too, if you were cranked all night!) And the props are generally always in use, if you know what I's sayin'.

The job of a PA on a porno is also highly unsanitary, perhaps life-threatening. (Hope Brandon got his Twinrix vaccinations!)

Brandon always has to watch where he sits.

But Brandon is cheerful. As a film college grad, he's just happy to have any kind of job.

And the girls are nice.

There is only one time when Brandon nearly loses it. He was to watch the ultimate fan -- imagine Preson Manning as a porn addict -- who wins the Fuck a Fan contest and gets to have sex on camera with girls in all manner of positions -- even with a girl who has a dildo attached to her panties!


The show is pretty funny, if I may say so.

But, I'm not sure how it would play out there in Tory land, which brings me to my next point.

You see this series is co-produced by Movie Central, Astral Media and Corus Entertainment, three Canadian film and television giants with generous assistance from the Canadian Film or Video Tax Credit. Which means that it has been partly funded by we, the taxpayers of Canada.

I'm surprised I didn't see a logo saying "brought to you by The Harper Government".

I'm sure the flacks at Heritage Canada would love to see that.

I wonder how the series got the money without a red flag going up. And in what category?

Live action?

Seriously, I think the PMO would be horrifed to know that The Harper Government is sponsoring porno -- even soft core porno.

And is it wise, in these difficult economic times to be funding porn without a return on our taxpayer dollar? I wonder.

I suppose the producers are hoping for sales abroad, maybe in Japan or Thailand.

Maybe they could do a sequel involving kids for the CBC.

I believe people should be able to produce whatever drivel they want, as long as they don't break the law.

But seriously, James Moore.

Should the Canadian taxpayer be subsidizing television series involving so much silicone and so many Brazilians?

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