Purple hazing the Canadian people
So Jimmy and Peter are walking down the street after school, and Jimmy pulls out a joint. Jimmy takes a drag and hands off the joint to Peter.
"Thanks, man," says Peter who gives off that cute little cough, the one that makes a parent proud.
Suddenly, a police cruiser squeals to a stop in front of them and a blond pony-tailed constable jumps out.
"Hold it, boys, stop right there. You are under arrest."
"WTF?" says Johnny. "What are you arresting us for?"
"But we're just sharing a smoke."
"Sorry, boys, there's a school down the road, see? You're in big trouble."
And with that little Johnny goes immediately to jail. When he appears before the judge he is given a mandatory two year sentence.
Meanwhile, all your plans for Johnny's dentistry career have gone up in thick, acrid smoke.
Welcome to the Wonderful World of Omnibus, ladies and germs, where sharing a little weed between friends is akin to raping the babysitter.
Under the new laws that are weaving their way through Parliament, your little son or daughter -- or even you, if you're my friend -- can go to jail for behavior that has been the societal norm for two generations.
While Canadisns have been sleeping, the slap happy Conservatives have been crocheting a new blanket of criminal laws that will make it easy as pie to get a criminal record, and make it hard as hell to get one expunged.
No more slaps on the wrist. No siree, Bob.
Your little faux pas will stay with you like a bad fart.
This is what we, the people of Canada, elected. An intolerant, mean-spirited, reactive Bible Belt of a government that is going to take away our rights and freedoms statute by Criminal statute.
Our Just Society has become Humpty Dumpty and it's ready to crack its fragile little ass.
Canadians elected a government that will soon allow any Billy Bob in the country to brandish arms without detection, blowing the heads off himself, his family and any cop that saunters by.
At the same time, the Harper government will be making a new fashion statement and the trendy color for the winter is burnt orange accessorized by some pretty serious bling.
The keys are no longer optional.
This at a time when the crime rate in Canada has never been lower.
What were we thinking, Canada?
This is the kind of government you get when you can't be bothered to vote.
Well, we've done it now.
Once on the books, the new laws will tie the hands of judges to give anyone a break. And they will make it nearly impossible for people to get early release for good behavior or for someone to get a pardon.
This Old Testament thinking is going to change the way we live and breathe in this country. An eye for an eye. A tooth for a tooth.
So be warned. Keep your stash well hidden in your basement or among your baseball cards, Johnny.
Cause there's a new sheriff in town and his name is Stephen Harper.