Tuesday, 8 November 2011

Ode to the Beaver, our national symbol



At last, someone has come to the aid of our little Buckaroo friend, the Beaver.

Grant Hooker, the CEO of BeaverTails -- that gooey, doughy, bad carb mess --has decided to erect a three metre tall Beaver monument festooned with 147 Christmas lights to protest a Tory Senator's call for the termination of the Beaver's status as Canada's national symbol.

Nicole Eaton is asking Canadians to consider dispatching the toothsome rodent in favor of the Polar Bear.

It's about time someone stood up for the Beav.

Consider the fact that the Beaver represents the multicultural nature of this country. He is a brown. The Polar Bear is a white and we know that whites have dominated these soils for far too long.

Secondly, Beavers are plentiful in lakes owned by people of both linguistic nations, and it is a proud resident of all First Nation communities.

The Polar bear is a resident of the North. It should therefore be considered a marginal candidate for the iconic status as Canada's national symbol.

By making the Polar Bear supreme, we are risking alienation of Quebeckers, some of whom consider the hunting of beavers and the blowing up of their lodges to be an important summer past-time.

Unlike Polar Bears, who are often portrayed as victims, Beavers are not afraid to fight back when threatened. If their little lodges are destroyed, they will build more and more.

They will retaliate by contributing to flooding in cottage country.

No one screws with the Beaver.

On the economic side, Canadians can still make jaunty hats and coats of Beaver, thus contributing to the national warmth of the wealthy and ill-advised of this nation. Try sporting a Polar Bear coat walking through the Hazelton Lanes!

Beavers are a national symbol of the good dentistry found in this nation. I mean, when have you ever seen a toothless Beaver? Unlike Polar Bears, Beavers floss.

Finally, Beavers cannot be bought by greedy corporations intent on peddling dark and dastardly beverages, thus promoting tooth rot, obesity and Type Two Diabetes to school children.

A Beaver Tail is a tasty treat; a bottle of cola is an insidious threat to the national waist line.

Beavers prefer to chew on treats found in the lakes and forests of this great nation.

How Canadian!

One final point.

More Canadians can relate to the Beaver than the Polar Bear.

Why?

At least fifty percent of us have one.

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