Wednesday, 23 November 2011

The give in the middle

I totally ran out of clean Lulu Liz Lemon yoga pants today, so I went rummaging through the back of my closet looking for a pair of jeans.

Yoga pants are the modern day equivalent of the stretch peacock blue pants my mom used to wear at my age. They are warm and comfortable and have the right amount of give to compensate for a middle age woman's burgeoning omentum.

Last year, in an optimistic afternoon, I bought three pairs of jeans at Addition Elle. I found them today, there in my closet, still too skinny in the middle for me to wear.

It brought a tear to my eye.

I was discouraged.

I've been working out like a fiend for nine months now and I haven't lost enough middle fat to fit into those jeans. Nine friggin' months of six day a week slogging on ellipticals and rowers, and still not a significant enough weight change.

I had hoped that I wouldn't have to buy Spanx for the Christmas season. I hope and pray for a lot of things.

Employment. A proper hair cut.

Good television on Friday.

None of it seems to work out.

I hate, hate, hate being middle aged.

So in desperation this morning, I reached to the very back of the closet and there they were, my 10-year-old reliable black jeans that fit me no matter how much pumpkin pie I consume.

When I bought the new jeans, I was determined to throw out these old ones.

In fact, I thought I had thrown them out.

But there they still were.

An insurance policy for my figure.

Aside from being grey instead of black, my jeans are still perfect. They have a waist not much smaller than my hips, a waistline large enough to compensate for my perennial muffin top. They are as soft and smooth as Ming's belly and emphasize my best assets -- my taut hips and athletic legs.

When I found my antique jeans, I clutched them to my bosom and gave them an Eskimo kiss. These jeans deserve all the love I can give them.

I know I can count on them for another season and I predict they will still be in my closet when I go through my seasonal change in 2012.

It's nice to know, no matter how much the world changes, that there are still some things that a person can count on.

Puppy love.

Christmas carols in November.

And soft grey jeans with the give in the middle.

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