Monday, 24 October 2011

When you know better, you do better

I have a dirty little secret that I'm hiding from my family.

It's a new obsession, and I'm just waiting for someone to tell me "I told you so".

So here is my confessional.

Ever since Oprah Winfrey left her daytime show, I have been haughtily dismissing her determination to start her new network, OWN. I didn't want it to work.

I was angry. I wanted her to fail.

That's because when Oprah left, she changed my world. Every day for the past many years, I had tuned into her 4 p.m. show. It was part of my daily routine, like walking the dogs and helping the kids with their homework.

After she left, I felt the vacuum.

Kids grown, husband at work, I felt lonely.

I am a homeworker, and all day long I have no one to talk to but the dogs. Sure, there were other shows to watch -- Dr. Phil, Dr. Oz, Anderson Cooper -- and I do watch them.

But it hasn't been the same.

About two weeks ago, I tuned into Oprah's Lifeclass ready to hate it. I resented the fact that Oprah was going to "teach me", to offer me "homework". Who did she think she was, anyway?

I watched the first episode and I thought it was stupid. I was angry and upset. I mean, why did I care so much? It was just a television show.

Then I thought: there is something going on here. And so I gave her another chance.

Then I gave her another chance, and another.

I was fascinated.

I was watching her guests, one after another, letting go of their fears and their anger. I heard her talk about her own mistakes in a genuine manner.

And my heart started opening up. I felt like the Grinch; suddenly, my heart which was covered in a blanket of ice was warming up. Suddenly, it was getting bigger and bigger.

And here's why.

I began to see my life choices bouncing back at me from the television screen. I saw my own reflection.

And I was becoming very uncomfortable.

For years, I have been holding on to anger and resentment, to jealousy and disappointment. I knew it; I just didn't want to admit it.

But watching Lifeclass is helping me find ways to let go. To forgive myself and others.

In short, Lifeclass was giving me insight into my own life.

Suddenly, I found myself find ways of letting it all go.

I was letting down the walls.

I cannot explain it.

Two weeks in, I'm a loyal fan. I can't wait until the next episode.

Who would have thought?

It's like Oprah says: If you know better, you do better.

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